Word #8 - Darkness

I'm so totally cheating a bit, but I'm ok with that.  I know I put the word darkness in the jar. And I've been writing like a mad woman the past few day.  Between class, sermon, paperwork for school, etc - my fingers have been busy on the keys. 

So, for darkness, I'm posting my sermon from this past Sunday.  Please note that how I write my sermon is how I try to read it, and while it looks like a manuscript, I am human and leave the path quite often.  I hope you enjoy and someday soon I'll figure out how to get the vocals on here as well.  

Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me

A reading from Genesis 15:1-12

 After these things the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision, “Do not be afraid, Abram, I am your shield; your reward shall be very great.” ² But Abram said, “O Lord God, what will you give me, for I continue childless, and the heir of my house is Eliezer of Damascus?”^[a] 3 And Abram said, “You have given me no offspring, and so a slave born in my house is to be my heir.” ⁴ But the word of the Lord came to him, “This man shall NOT be your heir; no one but your very own issue shall be your heir.” ⁵ He brought him outside and said, “Look toward heaven and count the stars, if you are able to count them.” Then he said to him, “So shall your descendants be.” ⁶ And he believed the Lord; and the Lord^[b] reckoned it to him as righteousness.

⁷ Then he said to him, “I am the Lord who brought you from Ur of the Chaldeans, to give you this land to possess.” ⁸ But he said, “O Lord God, how am I to know that I shall possess it?” ⁹ He said to him, “Bring me a heifer three years old, a female goat three years old, a ram three years old, a turtledove, and a young pigeon.” ¹⁰ He brought him all these and cut them in two, laying each half over against the other; but he did not cut the birds in two. ¹¹ And when birds of prey came down on the carcasses, Abram drove them away.

¹² As the sun was going down, a deep sleep fell upon Abram, and a deep and terrifying darkness descended upon him. 

And continuing in Verse 17…

¹⁷ When the sun had gone down and it was dark, a smoking fire pot and a flaming torch passed between these pieces. ¹⁸ On that day the Lord made a covenant with Abram, saying, “To your descendants I give this land, from the river of Egypt to the great river, the river Euphrates, ¹⁹ the land of the Kenites, the Kenizzites, the Kadmonites, ²⁰ the Hittites, the Perizzites, the Rephaim, ²¹ the Amorites, the Canaanites, the Girgashites, and the Jebusites.”

Our lectionary text this morning seems a bit different.  Not different in a bad way, just different.  Maybe a bit unusual.   In my first reading of the text, some initial themes I found included promises, doubt, gifts, legacy, assurance, belief, and sacrifice- literally animals being sacrificed.  

This text is the story of Abram’s call.  The given title for this text, “God’s Covenant with Abram”, gives us a hint of about what is going on.  It’s only three chapters after Abraham’s initial call and in this part of the story, we hear from Abraham something a little familiar among those who experience an “encounter with the holy” - -an objection, along with some whining and complaining too. 

There have been many people who having been called by God have come up with some form of objection but here Abram isn’t objecting to God’s will in the sense of his own anxieties about being able to do what God asks of him, he is asking God the question that I know many of us might have experienced, “What’s in it for me?” 

And then, there’s the darkness... 

There’s kind of a lot of darkness in this story.  The conversation begins with darkness; Abram being led outdoors by the word of the Lord, out into the wild darkness created by God’s own words.  

Then after the sacrifice, there is the deep and terrifying darkness.  The darkness that is unwilling.  The darkness that is unwelcomed. 

And finally when we pick back up in verse 17, the sun has set it is made dark on the earth again.

All these forms of darkness created by God yet bringing something different to our story here with Abram. 

What does darkness mean to you? 

The gamut of darkness runs on a pretty large spectrum.  I think I most can relate to the terrifying darkness that comes upon Abram.  I think back to childhood games of “Hide and Seek” and how much I really detested that game.  Those of you familiar with the game might remember: you go off ALONE, and hide, ALONE, normally in an obscure place so you don’t get found.  The one person who is “it” counts to a number while others are hiding ALONE and then the person who is “it” goes ALONE to try and find those hiding,  and the “it” person has to be sneaky about their finding the hiders.

 I was one of those kids who considered both the hider and the seeker as awful jobs and was torn between which was worse: hiding by oneself waiting to be surprised or walking around by myself willingly (and anxiously) being surprised by hiders. 

As you can tell, the ALONE was part of the darkness for me.

 For whatever reason, we had a babysitter who would play this game with my sister, brother and I with a twist – all the lights were turned off.  For me, it truly was a deep and terrifying darkness experience.  I normally ended up ruining the game by going into the hallway bathroom and turning the light on, thus disturbing the darkness in majority of the house.  I was the child who wanted to be found, willingly singing wherever I was hiding to stave off the “darkness”.  I wanted to be in the light.  I wanted to be in company.

The definition for darkness is lack of light.   Synonyms for the word darkness include clouded, crepuscular, dim, dull, dusky, faint, foggy, gloomy, murky, nebulous,  opaque,  rayless, shaded,  unlighted, unlit, vague

These are not the most cheerful sounding of words for something that is a part of God’s creation. 

This “deep and terrifying” darkness isn’t just limited to the physical nature of creation.  If we think of darkness as the unknown, it can take the shape of many things.

Darkness is pain – darkness is uncomfortable.  Darkness is the unknown.  This darkness allows for things to go “bump in the night”.  This darkness is foreign and strange and not welcomed at all. 

Darkness is the inability to see beyond.  Here Abram is in darkness; he is being called by his God, the same God who has claimed Abram, the same God who has given Abram a promise of children yet he and his wife remain childless.  Abram is blinded to the promises God has made.  Abram is unsure of what lurks ahead for him and is seeking reassurance, seeking for some relief from his anxieties. Abram is alone in his deep and terrifying darkness and one could imagine him saying to God, “don’t let the sun go down on me.  God, don’t take away what you bring into my life.”

 This darkness for Abram is an unfulfilled promise that has evidence preventing it from being fulfilled.  

This darkness prevents Abram from seeing what God has in store for our lives. 

I’m sure a few of us could relate to feeling anxious.  I’m sure a few of us could relate to feeling “left alone in the dark”.  I bet there are even some of us are seeking for some light to be shed in our lives; maybe seeking some reassurance, guidance, and direction.

The use of “darkness” in some Biblical texts means someone who doesn’t know, someone who is missing the mark.  Darkness sometimes symbolizes death and despair, especially spiritual death.  Darkness is working through an addiction.  Darkness is going through a divorce. Darkness is used to describe the feelings of depression; the isolation, the emptiness, the “lack of” within one’s very being.   Darkness comes after a loved one dies. Darkness comes in the forms of lies. 

Darkness is being unable to bear a child in older years.

In music, darkness is sometimes portrayed as chaotic. It’s set in a minor key, it’s a bit more cacophonous.  Maybe it moves faster, increases our heart rate, and creates some anxiety.  You don’t necessarily know where the music is going or how it will end.  There is suspense created within the music that carries energy of nervousness. 

But have you ever noticed a street without lights, or been on a country road where there is so much darkness surrounding are attention is focused to the light?  Our eyes are designed to be drawn to the light.  In art, darkness is the contrast to the painter’s touches of “light” colors – the dark in the painting focuses the eye on the main subject – the darkness takes the eye to the light.

Once out on a camping trip to the University of Texas’ McDonald Observatory campus out in west Texas, I learned that what I observed with my naked eye as just dark night sky   was something completely different with the aid of a telescope – the darkness was an explosion of stars.  When all we can see is darkness, light becomes of greater importance.  The prophet Isaiah says, “ The people walking in darkness have seen a great light and on those living in the land of the shadow of death, a light has dawned”.  The darkness draws us closer to the light; the darkness refocuses our sight.   

 But then there is another example of darkness in the story; this isn’t the scary unknown darkness. 

Yahweh is seen bringing Abram out into the night God has created to reassure him of a promise God has made.  God is hearing Abram’s worries and fears and through God’s creation is showing him, it’s ok. As one theologian says, “God showing Abram the stars isn’t part of the argument, it’s a revelation.  There is certitude given to Abram in this dark moment, and the credit belongs to the work of God’s brooding care”.  The same God who gives the promise is the one who makes it believable.  The same God who makes stars beyond number can also make a son for this barren family. 

            If this darkness were a song, it might be played soft and lyrical with movement, as if there is an evening breeze urging us on till morning.  The tempo might be a bit slower paced, as if to mimic how our bodies slow down when we sleep. This darkness might be a lullaby or a vesper piece of music.  This darkness would have us aware of our own breath, of our smallness, of the greatness to be found out in the dark of God’s creation. 

God doesn’t bring Abram out and abandon him; God has him look up at the tiny bit of light peeking through in the night through the stars. 

Being a city girl, I love when I get the chance to really see the stars.  There’s a Presbyterian camp in Hunt, Texas called Mo-Ranch, and that is one of my most favorite places to be outside at night.  Nestled in the Texas Hill Country on the Guadalupe River, it truly feels like the middle of nowhere to me.  Similar to Montreat, Mo-Ranch hosts numerous conferences through the years, and a numerous amount of youth ones specifically in the summer. For over five years, I’ve taken Middle Schoolers out to the camp for a week where we do what you do when you go to Youth camp conferences: fun, fellowship, faith, and food.  But at the end of every night, we do vespers. 

These aren’t your typical vespers.  These take place down by the river on the tennis courts.  Even on the hottest of Texas July days, there tends to be a cool breeze blowing from the river.  All of us participants, adults and youth included, lay down and get comfortable on the tennis courts.  The courts, having been in the sun all day, are warm and almost seem to comfort weary bodies that have been busy walking, hiking, climbing, swimming, running and being in constant motion. 

Then, we are invited to be still and look up.  Looking up into the bold black sky continues to this day to take my breath away; the dark curtain above me seems endless and sprinkled with an infinite number of dazzling stars.  Without hearing the voice of God, I know God is there.

 I can’t but help think now maybe that sense of awe and wonder Abram had in looking up.  I can’t help but imagine the comfort Abram might have felt in seeing the countless twinkling stars and knowing that his God had not abandoned God’s promise.

Here we see Abram needing some encouragement; he’s telling God – don’t let that sun go down on me.  Abram has left his family, has left his home, his comfort and fortune for this call from God.  Where’s that promise of a legacy?  Is God holding up his end of the bargain?  This is not the end of Abram’s story.  This is a pivotal point in his journey and how he responds to God is what sets the new course. 

God’s response is to immerse Abram into the blackness of night and point out the multitudes of stars and say, I won’t let the sun go down on you.  You are in my care. 

Abram is then able to reconcile the unknowing, lonely, and unwilling darkness with the darkness that is marked by God’s presence.

 I like this darkness.  I like the assurance of a God that cares so much for God’s creation that there is time for rest and time for awe and time for wonder.  This is a God that enrobes the creation not only in light, but in darkness and says, “this is good”. I like a darkness that reminds me that God does not work on my time line nor in the time line of the world.  I like this darkness that reminds me that there is rest, there are glimmers of light, there is more than just the shadows.  I like this darkness that reminds me the sun going down on me brings rest and renewal and after some length of time, a new day. 

I have a quote hanging on my mirror in my room from the poet Mary Gardiner Brainard’s poem “Not Knowing”.  The poem in it's entirety is worth hearing, so listen as I read it this morning. 

“Not Knowing” by Mary Gardiner Brainard (1837–1905)

Not knowing the things that shall befall me there.—ACTS XX. 22.

I KNOW not what will befall me: God hangs a mist o’er my eyes; And thus, each step of my onward path, He makes new scenes arise, And every joy He sends to me comes like a sweet surprise. I see not a step before me as I tread on another year; But I ’ve left the past in God’s keeping,—the future His mercy shall clear, And what looks dark in the distance may brighten as I draw near. For perhaps the dreaded future is less bitter than I think; The Lord may sweeten the waters before I stoop to drink; Or, if Marah must be Marah, He will stand beside its brink. It may be He keeps waiting, for the coming of my feet, Some gift of such rare blessedness, some joy so strangely sweet, That my lips shall only tremble with the thanks they cannot speak. O restful, blissful ignorance! ’t is blessëd not to know; It keeps me still in those mighty arms which will not let me go, And lulls my weariness to rest on the bosom that loves me so. So I go on not knowing,—I would not if I might; I would rather walk in the dark with God than go alone in the light; I would rather walk with Him by faith than walk alone by sight. My heart shrinks back from trials which the future may disclose, Yet I never had sorrow but what the dear Lord chose; So I send the coming tears back with the whispered word, “He knows.

"I would rather walk in the dark with God than go alone in the light." That's what hangs on my mirror.  

It isn’t about God letting the sun go down on God’s beloved creation, on the children created in God’s own image. I see this as a reminder that there will be darkness, and being human, I will need to be reminded and encouraged, especially if I am alone in that darkness.    I’ve got a friend who believes there is a need for darkness in our lives; he says that darkness helps us measure how far we’ve come.  Maybe one day when we stumble into the light and see more of a path, we can look back and see the darkness we’ve left behind.   We need to remember we’re not ALONE in the darkness.  God’s presence is there with us, and God is working in mysterious ways that we maybe aren’t supposed to understand.   

Word #7 - Defiance

My head is full of projects, 

with words and dates and more.

It's unwilling to make space, 

for all I have in store. 

This is defiance at work, 

that word I put in the jar; 

this is defiance in action, 

just possibly right on par.

A toddler who just practices, 

his right to just say his "no's"

a teenager that just won't listen, 

and in the end will say, that blows.

This is defiance at work, 

that word I put in the jar; 

this is defiance in action, 

just possibly right on par.

Teachers politely protesting, 

on behalf of students; they care, 

those who normally shouldn't,

go above and beyond and share.

This is defiance at work, 

that word I put in the jar; 

this is defiance in action, 

just possibly right on par.

Jesus in his ministry, 

might have been a bit like this.

Jesus paved a new path,

all to bear witness.

This is defiance at work, 

that word I put in the jar; 

this is defiance in action, 

just possibly right on par.

Word #6 - Grain

Grain is one of those words used in scripture...often.  While it might sound dated in our modernized ears, it makes sense. The culture and community didn't have the convenience I have; in my kitchen right now there are over 9 types of grain products...and that is just what I can see from where I sit at the table...not in the cabinets. 

I have realized in the past year how much I take grain for granted.  I love bread. I love starches. I love grain.  

But I have friends who don't do the gluten thing, and in working to honor their lifestyles, my mind has been blown in regards to grain. 

I had grain boxed in as wheat.  (I know, I know, I consider myself a foodie, but really. In my brain: grain = wheat = all the delicious starchy things I eat.)  

In the past years, grains has become a more familiar word.  We now talk about whole grains.  We now eat grains that 10 years ago were the kind of grains that only "health nuts" ate.  The fact that you can buy quinoa at "regular" grocery stores (and not in the "healthy" aisle) I think is a big deal. The fact that we are empowering people with the knowledge of why whole grain vs. the other stuff matters is a big deal.  

Grain, this ancient part of creation, is at work in this world. Even now:

"While U.S. consumers prize it as a delicious “super-food,” there is growing anxiety about the impact of the quinoa boom in the Andes, and particularly Bolivia, the world’s top producing country. The media has focused primarily on the fact that global demand is driving up the price of quinoa, placing it beyond the reach of poor Bolivians—even of quinoa farmers themselves—leaving them to consume nutritionally vacuous, but cheap, refined wheat products such as bread and pasta" (You can read more here.)

In thinking on why I put this word in the jar, it's probably because of things like that article mentions above (and I am a total quinoa eater too).  I think I am so conscious of this word grain because I daily remember those who go without: those who go without the knowledge of what good grain is and why it is good, those who go without the resources or ability to make the change to good grains, those who's very own economic standing is being challenged by another's own greed, and those who don't even have a speck of grain for themselves. 

So...grain.  I love it.  I don't love how I live in abundance of grain (and more) and so many go without.  I love how people take action with grain, they package meals, make sandwiches, they educate, and they SHARE.  I do love sharing. 

So as you go through your day, think about your grain.  Think about your abundance.  Think about the role grain plays in your household, your community, your nation, and your world. You might even spend some time thinking about what grain says about this creation God has created.  

And how we can be better stewards of it all. 

Word #5 - Grow

When I think of the word "grow", I can'r help but conjure actual faces of some children who have my heart.  I moved farther away right as they were "wee" ones, so now when I see them, one of my first comments is, "oh - how you've grown!"  (See exhibit A, B, & C)  Growth in wee ones happens so quickly!  The changes sometimes even seem to sneak up on you!

Exhibit A:

J-Bird as a newbie.

J-Bird as an infant.

J-Bird as a TODDLER!!!

Exhibit B:

Meeting Miss E for the 1st time, couple hours old!

Miss E as a N

Infant Miss E.

Toddler Miss E (obviously upset for a minute).

Exhibit C:

Newbie Jack.

You might remember a story about a boy who never wants to grow up.  He lives in Never Never Land.  But, this boy Peter, with the help of his friend Wendy, has a change of heart. As I get older, I get nervous about growing.  Growing more lines around my eyes and mouth, growing gray hairs, or even growing into bigger pant sizes!  Sometimes I wouldn't mind a Never Never Land where I could be ignorant to the growth.

But growing, in all aspects, is part of God's creation.  Everything on this earth grows.  Everything on this earth, changes.  Even majestic mountains shift and groan in the earth.  

Some things grow fast, some things grow slow. 

Growing can be seen as good: a child coming of age or development of talents.  

Growing can be seen as bad: the growing of a cancerous tumor or growing of weeds in a award winning garden.  

I've been steeped in the book of Genesis this week in preparation for a sermon and find myself thinking of Abram.  (His name even grows - he becomes Abraham!) Abram is concerned not only with his personal growth but the growth of his name, his legacy, his family.  He sees "growing" literally as having heirs. As someone who has no heirs at this time in my own life, I pause and reflect on the ways I hope to grow in my life. Growing in wisdom wouldn't be a bad idea, nor would some growth in my bank account.  But, I wouldn't trade "growth" of better friends or a loving community for anything in the world.  

I do live with a motto that kind of sums up how I feel about the word "grow". I believe that every day there is something I can learn, something that I can grow from. Whether it is a new word or a life lesson or a personal revelation, I hope to continue growing.  Even if it is in those lines around my eyes and mouth, after all, aren't they called "laugh lines"?

So, keep growing. And I will continue to be that Aunt who always says to my nephews and nieces, "my - how you've grown!"  And I will continue to embrace how part of God's beloved creation is growth. 

Word #4 - Loss

I am at a loss...

I am at a loss when I don't have an answer for the question.

I am at a loss when I wear the shoes I always fall in again...and fall. 

I am at a loss when the story doesn't make sense.

I am at a loss when I realize I've wasted an hour on TV I really don't care about.

I am at a loss when I see colors I've never even imagined exist right outside my window in fall.  

I am at a loss when the bad guys win.

I am at a loss when the music seems to move me to my very core.

I am at a loss when I know children go to bed hungry every night.

I am at a loss when new life is found in old scripture.

I am at a loss...

Word #3 - Control

Ok.

 For real. 

What in the world was I thinking when I threw these words in the jar?!?!!? 

In a weak moment, I almost threw this word back into the jar, then, heaving a heavy sigh, decided that was too “controlling”. 

This is one of my own personal “trouble” words.  Control and I have a love/hate relationship, and it has been this way for quite a while. 

After drawing it earlier today, I’ve spent some time thinking about how I would approach it today.  I’m not exactly how sure my prompt works with this word. 

“Beauty in” control. 

Along my commute to babysitting I decided to observe control in action.  (Or, lack of control to be more precise.) 

Control:

•          My driving skills
•          Ability to eat only 4 crackers (not the whole sleeve)
•          Changing of the radio station at my leisure
•          Getting child to wear shoes for majority of the time spent outdoors
•          My walking/running/breathing
•          How clean (or messy) my room is
•          Ability to get assignments and readings done for class

Out Of Control:

•          A broken down car in a turn only lane onto the highway
•          RED LIGHTS
•          Other drivers
•          Conversations in class…
•          The weather
•          Toddlers sneaking crackers
•          Geese attacking said toddlers with crackers

These are just a few examples of “control” at work in the world.  

I can’t help but think of the toddlers I get to watch when it comes to control.  They are SO in the groove of learning control right now, from saying “no” to things they don’t want to one of the biggest control issues in the world: potty training.  If there is beauty to be found in this idea of control, I am so thankful for the beauty of sticker charts and marshmallows that encourage wee ones to learn how to control their bodies.

Potty humor aside, control can be destructive or instructive. 

 I think of the wise college chaplain who encouraged me to write down all the questions that would pop in my head while in class or meetings down in a journal, and then after reflecting on them, ask.  That has been a monumental tool for me in controlling my impulses. I also now write out my shopping list before I go to the store; in hopes I will not make impulsive purchases.

Destructive examples of control can be found in eating disorders or other various forms of addictions.

I think the ultimate point for me:

 being in control is finding the balance.  

It is not good to eat much honey,

    or to seek honor on top of honor.

 Like a city breached, without walls,

    is one who lacks self-control.  –Proverbs 25:27-28

OUT OF CONTROL: Dancing with our crackers near the geese.

By contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against such things.  And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. – Galatians 5:22-24

Word #2: Context

I knew it would come up, just not so soon.

It is as if every word I'm not feeling so willing to dwell upon comes to my finger tips!  

So...context...

I semi-jokingly put this word in just because I sometimes feel here in seminary, "Jesus" isn't the right answer but "context" is. 

con·text

  [kon-tekst]

noun

1.

the parts of a written or spoken statement that precede or follow a specific word or passage, usually influencing its meaning or effect: 

2.

the set of circumstances or facts that surround 

a particular event, situation, etc.

I honestly hadn't given much thought to context before coming to CTS  but it has been such a wonderful edition to my vocabulary and my thinking process.  My inclusion of context allows me pay more attention to the details that surround me.  All those English classes in undergrad should have prepared me for this context concept, but I never really thought about applying context to scripture.  (Silly, I know.)

 Beyond just physical and visual circumstances, thinking contextually allows for me a whole new reading of scripture.  

The beauty in context allows me to have a greater appreciation for the languages of Greek and Hebrew I've learned as I read scripture. 

The beauty in context allows me to get off my high horse every once in awhile and read through the eyes of a child or youth.

The beauty in context is the ability for the spirit to be at work the the words of God.  

I could go on and on, but I'm going to stop and be selfish and watch some Downton Abbey. 

But, 

I'm so glad I've had some wise professors, mentors, and parents in my life who have encouraged me to keep an open mind and heart to context. 

Word #1: Saved

Of all the words I knew were in the jar and words I didn't want early on, this one takes the cake. 

Maybe because "saved" makes me think of "salvation" which is one of those Christian terms that likes to be thrown around often.

 Especially if you live in the Bible Belt. 

And go to your grandparent's mega-Baptist church as a kid where they ask you when you were "saved". 

And you have no idea what in the world they are talking about. 

And then you feel ostracized from the group of THIRD graders the rest of the week while at camp.

(Not that that ever happened to me...)

But to answer the prompt: 

beauty in...

...saved...

...salvation...

...being safe...

...saving...

I'm not sure where to even begin.  I guess one thought is that there is something reassuring in being saved. And saving, in this context, doesn't have to be this 

HUGETHEOLOGICALMYSTERYDEBATE 

for us.  

Maybe you are saved, literally, by someone grabbing your arm before you walk into a street of cars because you were looking at your cell phone wishing that one text you've been waiting on would just come. 

That's beautiful; you're alive.

This web page I'm on even gives me the option for being saved! 

Fancy that.

That's beautiful; there's no chance for these words to be lost while my internet is at work.

Or maybe you have saved someone else; you've politely pointed out that their life may be going in a direction that doesn't bode well and putting down the bottle or ending that unhealthy relationship may indeed be a decent idea. 

That's beautiful; you've looked beyond yourself and helped someone else.  And maybe there might even be a memoir or Lifetime movie in the works. Or at least a new lease on life. 

For whatever you are saved from, or saving someone from, I guess as a seminarian, I can't help but think about the salvation aspect of "saved".  Especially in this season of Lent. 

There is this verse that comes to mind...from Ephesians 2:8

For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God

There is most definitely beauty in that gift from God. The keyword for me there: GIFT.  

It's free. As Ephesians says, it's because our God is "rich in mercy".

So what do you think about "saved"?

⁴ But God, who is rich in mercy, out of the great love with which he loved us ⁵ even when we were dead through our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— ⁶ and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, ⁷ so that in the ages to come he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. ⁸ For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God— ⁹ not the result of works, so that no one may boast. ¹⁰ For we are what he has made us, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand to be our way of life.

- Ephesians 2:4-9

Lent 2013...a few days late

I'm a few days behind in my Lenten plan. 

Whoops.

I haven't given anything up.  

I'm not re-starting my resolutions, which now that I think of, I never wrote down.

I'm not sacrificing much during the next forty days so that I can feel "closer to God" but instead have decided to take on something. 

It is a discipline of sort and something I've been thinking about even before these forty days were upon us.

If you haven't noticed, I am a bit behind on my blogging.  I guess you can't be behind if you haven't started, but you get the picture.

I've noticed my writing on my blog has been a bit of a battle; I set out with all these expectations and rules that I feel I need to follow.  The writing seems to be a production, and then there is the need to do this, then that, then  this thing again...

It has become too much of a chore for me because I am a bit too controlling with it.  Instead of just an online reflection of what's going on in my world, I feel the need to produce this monumental piece of literature. (And let's be honest, I'm no Dickens or Bronte in the works...)

I've always loved to write, just like I've loved to sing.  It has been an organic part of my reflection process and allowed for personal growth I never imagined.  

So, my Lenten practice is working on getting back to that form of writing. 

I'm hoping to let go of my reins and let the spirit be at work. 

I'm hoping to "let go" a bit more and "let God".  

So, there's the jar full of over 40 words.

And each day, maybe twice a day if I've missed one, I'll pull a word and follow the prompt.

I'm going with "beauty in..." as my prompt.

  It struck me during my January class how much beauty was present even in the ugly things we were seeing at work in our world.

The words have come from more than just myself, so we will see what happens.

I'm hoping as I sit down to write in regards to my word to break myself of the "rules" I've imagined I need to follow.  

There may be pictures, there may not be.  

And I will work on being ok with that.  

It might only be a paragraph or maybe multiple paragraphs.

And if all else fails, there is always this.