Coming Out

Will you love the "you" you hide if I but call your name?

Will you quell the fear inside and never be the same?

Will you use the faith you've found to reshape the world around,

through my sight and touch and sound in you and you in me.

-The Summons

Today has been one of those "go, go, go" days.  Tuesday and Thursdays tend to be that way, seeing as majority of my classes take place on these days.  While it can be wonderfully filling, it is also full of motion.  Going here, then there, then back here.  You get the picture, right?

There were two times in my busy day where I was just sitting and as I like to say, "being".  The first was at Morning Prayers which was part of the Smyth Lectures being held here on campus.  (Justo Gonzalez was our guest lecturer and AMAZING.  He's worth a google.  Seriously.) The second time I was able to just sit and be was at the Imago Dei Coming Out Day Worship Service.  

Today, October 11, is National Coming Out Day.  It is a day to promote a safe world for LGBT individuals to live truthfully and openly.   Imago Dei is our LGBT alliance group here on campus, and I am honored to serve as a co-moderator for this group.  I feel blessed also to serve as an ally to the LGBT community.   

We are pilgrims on the journey
We are siblings on the road
We are here to help each other
Walk the mile and bear the load
- Servant Song

Being an ally isn't just in my nature, it's in my heart.  The pride and admiration I feel for friends who are LGBT isn't only because they are awesome and amazing individuals, but for their boldness in rejoicing who they are.  I am proud to walk along side them in seeking equality - in the working world, in the home, and in the church. I am not only an ally on days full of sunshine and rainbows, but I am an ally on the days when there seems to be no light shining at all.

I will hold the Christ light for you

In the night time of your fear

I will hold my hand out to you

Speak the the peace you long to hear.

- Servant Song

Regardless of where you stand - to the right or to the left, the aisle in between leads to the table that welcomes ALL.   I was reminded of this tonight at worship when the bread was broken, the cup poured out, and the blessing made.  Christ invited everyone to that table.  The table is not a place to hide behind nor is it to be used as a weapon of discrimination. 

I was reminded tonight. 

Blest be the tie that binds

Our hearts in Christian love;

The fellowship of kindred minds

Is like to that above.

From sorrow, toil and pain,

And sin, we shall be free,

And perfect love and friendship reign

Through all eternity.

All are welcomed at the table.  

Good Mourning and Holy Saturday's

I give much thanks to the imagination of the artist who had a sense of humor and the talent to create a sparsely-haired child who exclaimed, "good grief!" at various times of difficulty in his life.  This lovable little boy seemed to have the wisdom of the ages (or maybe it was the burden of the world?) that no one in his life could ever understand.

I've been mulling over these words for some time now,  "good grief" and what exactly does good grief mean?  What does it look like?  Does it exist beyond this exclamation from a fictional character? 
In playing with these words, I also was struck by the irony of the phrase, "good mourning".  Can mourning ever be a good thing?    

Loss is all around us - loss of a job, a relationship, a pet, or a person.  You can lose your home, or there is the loss of a life we used to know.  Something I've been struggling with it seems for a long time has been this idea of grief, this theme of loss.  This is not to say I walk around thinking of everything that has gone missing in  my life, but I do emotionally give credit where credit is due, so to speak.   These past few months have given me what seems loss after loss - from a relationship, of a beloved pet, and of dear friends.  

In Pastoral Care a few weeks ago, we mentioned the importance of sitting through Holy Saturday. This is the idea of being in the "not-knowing" part of Easter Weekend.  You can kind of guess what the followers of Christ were feeling on Good Friday - the devastating loss of Jesus.  Then we can maybe imagine the astonishment and relief that came in the Resurrection on Sunday.  So what was Saturday like for them?  They were still sitting in the grief of losing Jesus. It wasn't as if they just jumped to the "alleluia's" of Easter morning. 

A very wise friend of mine here at CTS put it another way in a note to me regarding some stuff that was weighing heavy on my heart this past spring.  She said, "It's hard to let things die, but sometimes we have to.  No matter what happens, know that you are a witness to life.  When we let things die, the death often overshadows life and that's okay.  Sit with the death for a while.  Indeed, Saturday was a very gloomy day after Jesus' death; but sit through Saturday with hope for Sunday and the news of the resurrection.  With hope for new life, you'll be a better witness to the life."

Many months later, I am able to read her words and see the hope that comes in that wonderful Sunday morning.  Maybe "good grief" and "good mourning" are not words to express the grief we live with; but better used  to express are sitting with the loss and addressing how we feel.  While there is much I don't know and probably never will when it comes to loss and grief, I do know that sitting in the space of Holy Saturday allows me to still mourn my friend a year later. And I recognize that the feeling of loss is indeed a true thing to explore and mull over.  And I feel ever so blessed to have a community to sit with during those Saturday's. 



"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body." 
2 Corinthians 4: 8-10