Phantom Pain

The Phantom of Pain...in Katy's face.

Greetings friends!  I apologize for my lack of posting this past week, but I think I have a good reason on the delay.  This story sounds a bit ridiculous now that I have it written out, but it is true.  There are two things you need to know about me though in reading this story: 1) I am totally a worrier; I try not to be, but I am 2) I may have a bit of an imagination...ok, extremely so.


So for the past month or so I have been experiencing pain in my face.  I was so sure it was a toothache and just dreaded going to the dentist.  My imagination and worrying were getting the best of me - I had the image I would be eating something and my tooth would just fall out.  OR I would go to the dentist and when they tapped it with the scary metal thing my tooth would explode!  (Remember, imaginative...)  The weekend before I went, I made the mistake of talking to some friends about root canals.  Oh my goodness, do those sound scary!  I was so convinced that I had that problem and was DREADING going into the dentist. After numerous calls to my amazing dentist back home, I finally stopped being a wimp and went in to get it checked out. 

These chairs scare me.  I wish I still went to the kid dentist.

  Surprise, surprise - it was actually a great visit to the dentist!  Nothing was wrong with the area I pointed out.  This was good news...but I still had this phantom pain.  The dentist suggested it could be sinus/ear troubles so I decided to suck it up some more and try and see my doctor when I went home in a couple of weeks.

I'm ok accepting this award this past month.

Well, that was the plan.  But this past week, the pain had escalated so bad I couldn't sleep, was hardly eating (ya'll know how much I love food...) and even playing with cute small children was not distracting me.  I was tired of taking advil and falling asleep with ice packs, and I am sure my dear friends were tired of me whining, so I went into the Urgent Care center down the road.

Apparently you magically grow older when you dislocate your jaw...

I walked in feeling slightly silly because I didn't really show any symptoms - except for the big ol' cry baby tears running down my face.  Got to see the doctor, explained the situation and he started pushing on my face.  At one point, he had me open my jaw while he applied pressure.  During this exercise, we heard a loud pop and a shift in my jaw.  It seems my jaw had been OUT OF PLACE without me knowing about it, and he popped it back in.  He recommended another doctor to check it out because it is most likely related to TMJD and will happen again.  I left with an anti-inflammatory prescription and feeling hopeful. 


So.  That should be the end of the story.  WRONG.  By the end of that day I felt worse and couldn't hardly communicate.  I walked around with frozen peas on my face at the grocery story and still felt absolutely awful.  I had been told to minimize the opening and closing of my mouth; no talking, chewing, etc...Basically I looked like this:

I called the specialist doctor to schedule an appointment and he gave me some abstract ways to help with pain, but none of them were solutions that could be used outside my bed.  (ice packs, softballs, and pillows - I can just imagine the looks I would get in class!)  Thank goodness for understanding peers and professors who are willing to be flexible and sympathetic, and for giant cups with really cold drinks (it helped so much!).  My parents were coming into town (which makes everything better) but I knew I would want to eat the delicious food and not feel bad when they were around.  I went back to the Urgent Care place Thursday, talked to a new doctor, and got a new treatment plan.  It's amazing what getting rid of pain can do - for one, it helps you sleep!  And sleep is  wonderful thing indeed.  

My prayer verse this week - turn it all over to God!
By the time my parents were here, I resumed looking like a semi normal human and was feeling less pain  in the face and just more dull aching.  I give thanks and praise to God for the prayers people said, for the pain being taken away, and for finding out I wasn't going crazy with the phantom pain.  I am a bit of a baby when it comes to not feeling well, but I like to think I can manage very well.  I knew I was not in a good place when I was thinking my tonsillectomy was a breeze...
In times of illness and sickness, it's hard to remember everything is going to be all right.  I get so wrapped up in the actual pain, I can't get over it. And then when it passed, I would be dreading it's next appearance. Even with my dear friends patting my back, praying for me, I was caught up in the pain.  It reminds me of other times I've been in pain - heartache, grief, worried, troubled - all the pains in the world that are so deeply felt. What I experienced this week could be considered a test of faith, not that I think my God is punishing me, but I found myself saying, "I know God never gives us more than we can handle, but could he just take this pain away?"

Have you ever said that out loud in times of pain? Do you get over it but then find yourself worrying about the next pain that will enter into your life?  How easy it is to forget the blessings that are still abundant during these hard times!  How easy it is to forget our God does not abandon us during these times!  There is abundant examples in scripture of what happens to those who worry and don't fully trust in God (remember that guy Jonah?) and we are blatantly given words of comfort for these times.
My new prayer is that I remember these scriptures during the in between times of pain, and not just in the painful time. Thinking ahead of troubles does no good - Matthew says it - we have enough troubles for today.  Let's turn those over to God...
  As far as the next step in treatment...unsure.  I do know I was blessed to enjoy an amazingly relaxing and fantastic time with my parents while they were here and eat more than just baby food and oatmeal without major consequences. If anyone knows of a good doctor (who ideally takes insurance) for TMJD related issues, I would be ever appreciative for some information - whether it is Dallas, TX or Atlanta, GA.

In closing, I hope to post at least once more this week...the topic has just about nothing to do with seminary, and will need some outside input.  I hope you look forward to it as much as I do in writing it!  (Key - involves debating between my favorite animals...)
Blessings,
K

Concerning the Call

I've probably spent way too much time thinking of a clever witty title for this blog that I may just be settling, but I chose "Concerning the Call" for a couple of reasons I'd like to share.

1) It sounds less conceited than "Katy's Call" but still contains some alliteration. And we all know how much I love alliteration - close but not quite as much as peanut butter.

2) This blog is about my call - my call to ministry and where I belong. A term that is often used is "discerning", but as I stated earlier, I do like my alliteration. I looked up the definition of discerning and it is defined as "having or showing good judgement" while concerning is defined as "on the subject of or in connection with". While I pray my discerning will prove true to this definition, at this time, I mostly feel I am dealing with the subject of my call, and all that comes with it.

3) I even thought about adding "...at Columbia" for more alliteration, but I anticipate (and have already experienced) much in connection with my call not here on this campus. I find some excitement and joy knowing God works beyond classrooms and state lines and anticipate all He has planned for me.

4) The word "concern" can have numerous connotations beyond just being connected. You can be concerned about a loved one's health, or concerned about the weather. While some might think of "concern" leaning more towards the negative side, it honestly means to be engaged in something. I have engaged on a journey here at Columbia Theological Seminary that is life changing already. I find it interesting that a synonym for "concern" is "touch" - that to me expresses a more intimate engagement. In some ways I imagine God is concerned with me - reaching out, touching, engaging the Holy Spirit at work in my life in ways I never imagined.

5) And finally, no one had any better ideas. Or even if they did, they didn't tell me.

So, long story short: this blog concerns my call. I am moved in (well, mostly...) here at Columbia Theological Seminary in Decatur, GA for school. I am excited about it all but really do miss my friends and family back in the great state of Texas. Orientation doesn't begin for a week, but I'm here attending a Youth Ministry Leadership Initiative (YMLI) seminar on Soul Tending. No worries, you'll hear more about it tomorrow. I'll fill y'all in on all my hopes, dreams, goals, and much more later, but do want to leave you with a bible verse that has been following me around of late. (And that's a good thing.)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope, and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Prayer: Heavenly Father, I give thanks for save travels and all those who serve in keeping the roads of our nation safe. I praise you for this wonderful world you have made and all the beauty within it. I thank you for the countless blessings you have provided in my life, especially the amazing ones' back home in TX. I ask for courage as I begin this journey and pray I remember you do have plans for me. In your Holy name I pray, Amen.