I said awhile back I would post on some fears I had in studying abroad. Ever since the small group I worked with a year ago (!) spent an evening talking about our fears, I've found that through discussion and in even just taking time to articulate my concerns, there is power. Through addressing the fears or concerns I have, I'm allowed to really feel them, and quite often, hear just how silly some of them are. (And it provides an excellent chance for others to help me confront them.)
So, here they are, in no particular order!
(The advantage of making my list before I came here is that I have had two weeks to address them, so most have a response.)
1. I won't be smart enough for Cambridge.
Beginning my time here with intensives was maybe the best thing I could have done in regards to this fear. I was able to be in a space that was comfortable and somewhat familiar with the courses (Godly Play and Storytelling) and also interact with students here. I got to hear some of the lingo, talk one on one with students how they've journeyed here, and kind of get over the intimidation factors. And after a few classes, the coursework I did last semester at CTS TRULY prepared me for the courses I am in here.
Yee-haw.
2. I will be the epitome of an American Tourist, and maybe not in the best way.
I didn't pack sandals or a fannypack, so we might be ok on this one. Also, lots of people here have experienced Atlanta via the airport or love the state of Texas.
#win
3. I will pronounce things wrong or won't use the correct word.
To be honest, I do this anyways. Like all the time. The difference here is that my friend who is amazing at the English language isn't here to gently help me work through my word choices.
Also, I'll figure out eventually what a Toad in the Hole is, and the boot, and why "z" over "s".
4. I won't like the food.
This has not been a problem. We have amazing breakfast. And amazing lunches. And pretty ok dinners. And the desserts - y'all - chocolate sponge with warm chocolate sauce? Treacle tart with warm toffee sauce? I'll be ok.
5. I will get lost. Like, really lost.
I remember moving to Atlanta and having this fear. And I got so terribly lost all the time. I would pull my car over, and study my map (no smart phone!), and then figure it out.
I do the same thing here! I have a map. I have a smartphone that the GPS works all the time. And I retrace my steps. Often. The other night I got turned around one of the colleges, and between it being dark and having tiny alleys surrounding me, I felt a bit anxious. After deciding not to panic, I just stopped, rethought how I got where I was, and finally figured out how to get back to school.
(Mind you, the common language helps here, tremendously!)
6. People won't like me.
So, this is a fear probably everyone has at LEAST once in their lives. Or everyday. It's normal. And it will be ok if not everyone likes me. Lord knows there are people I struggle with.
7. I'll talk too much.
When I confessed this fear to a friend over here, he kindly responded with this:
"We're British, we'll never tell you are doing this. We will just leave, and the gripe about you later."
I'm not sure if this helped this fear, but it did make me laugh.
8. Planes & trains will be awful. Or I will miss one of them. Or end up on the wrong one.
Maybe if I do miss one or get delayed or on the wrong one, it will be a memorable experience to blog about. Or at least laugh about.
(My flight over here had curry as the dinner item - the entire plane smelled like hot curry - a smell which I have a huge aversion to. But, that dish of hot chicken curry was just about the BEST curry I've ever eaten. Totally worth the smells.)
***Mind you, last night I did have my first bad dream about getting to Taize.***
9. I won't have enough clothes/shoes.
Last week I had my first clothing tantrum - I was made because none of my shoes (I brought 4 pairs) "worked" with what I was wearing. After a few moments of pouting, I built my bridge, and got over it. My 4 pairs over here are not even half of the shoes I OWN - how many people in the world can say that?
And I made it work.
And prayed fervently that the fashionistas around Cambridge would forgive my appearance. And thanked goodness I wasn't in London.
10. HOMESICKNESS.
YAY VIBER, FACEBOOK, GOOGLE HANGOUTS, and SKYPE. And internet access. And, it makes spending time at home even sweeter.
(This homesickness also applies to my being at the Columbia campus. I'm gonna miss some buddies there! Well, already do!)
11. I won't be able to handle the workload for classes.
I remember thinking this when at Columbia for the first time, and that included a foreign language.
There is hope.
So, there are my fears - some rational, some not. We'll see how this journey goes. After two weeks, everything has been good. I've enjoyed the community times and also having time to myself. I've talked to my sisters and emailed other family members. (If you do want to skype/hangout/chat on Viber - let me know!)
In conclusion, I've linked to a video of an amazing video of what this one young man did while he studied abroad. I'm sorry, but I'm not doing this. He did it quite well enough for the both of us.
Blessings,
Katy
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